Today I had a session with a client who said something that landed deeply:
"The theme of my life is feeling abandoned"
It’s a quiet, painful realization. One that so many of us come to.
Often, we didn’t learn to abandon ourselves on purpose.
We learned it through chaos, through not feeling safe, through environments where our needs were too much—or never enough.
Here are three subtle ways this self-abandonment can still show up in our adult lives:
1. Doing everything for everyone.
You’re the one who holds it all together. At work. At home. You anticipate needs, fix problems, keep things running smoothly—because some part of you believes that if you don’t do it, things will fall apart.
You give up sleep, joy, and time for yourself, because taking care of others has become second nature.
Try this: Pause and ask, “Is this mine to carry?”
Most of the time, it’s not.
Let others carry what belongs to them. You don’t have to hold it all.
2. Feeling guilty for having needs.
You apologize for needing help. You say “sorry” for resting. You insist you’re “fine” when you’re anything but—because you fear being a burden, or taking up space.
The truth? You have needs because you’re human.
Not because you’re flawed.
Try this: Say, “I need…” and leave the apology out.
You matter. Your needs matter. Let that be okay.
3. Saying yes when your body says no.
You agree to things you don’t want to do. You stay agreeable to keep others comfortable. Because somewhere, you learned that being liked was how you stayed safe.
So you smile. You soften. You shrink.
Try this: Before answering a request, ask: “What do I really want?”
Start choosing from that place. Your truth doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you whole.
None of this is your fault.
These were the ways we learned to survive.
And now?
You deserve more than survival.
You deserve to come home to yourself.
That homecoming starts with small shifts:
Curiosity. Stillness. Listening inward.
Letting the discomfort come—and letting it pass.
Because yes, change can bring strange sensations in the body.
And yes, others may not always understand or like the new version of you.
But keep going.
You’re not too much.
You’re not a burden.
You’re just finally learning to stay with yourself.
And that is a beautiful beginning.
24 - 05 - 2025