"Many times we hide behind responsibilities and impediments to preserve a certain self-image or status quo. If I don't do this it is for that reason but I wish I could.

Can you imagine how terrifying and what a giant scare it would be if with the snap of a finger everything that limits us were removed to make way for our desire with immediacy?

Breaking free is scary. Because it means breaking with something that we are already used to in order to look for ourselves again, with all the uncertainty and insecurity that comes with leaving the usual refuge. In fact, usually the moments when we can truly choose are very stressful, because any momentous decision can be a turning or a breaking point.

If freedom is quite something, assuming the personal power to exercise it is an act of transformation. Because it not only implies that we portray ourselves again in the light of personal ability and power, but also the immense shadow that this new spotlight casts."

@avaastrologia

 

When I was about 12 or 13 years old I participated in the school choir for maybe a year, two days a week in the afternoons. I don't remember why I didn't continue. Maybe my parents didn't have time to pick me up. That's how it stayed and I was left with the feeling that his lack of time had not allowed me to sing.

6 months ago I joined a choir near where I live, feeling that it would give me what my parents couldn't offer me.

Tremendous surprise: my voice didn't sound as I pictured it, my skills were not as I presumed, the music was not what I expected and I did not enjoy it as I would love to. 

This afternoon once a week turned into a nightmare.

And voila!! The story that I kept for so many years in my head as a reality came to an end. 

Now I remember other possibilities for me not to be part of my school choir, such as the fact that it had financial problems and maybe could not continue. But the most important thing was to realise how THIS story, this perspective that I held for so long, that I believed and felt was real was not. 

How many stories do I tell myself that were created to justify a fact, to help digest sensations, emotions or situations that were too much at some point in life, that are no longer useful and letting them go would be the best thing?

Music  now is a gigantic space that I can explore in many and very different ways, without ideas of “what or how it should be” or “how I am going to feel”.

 

“Life is so simple: We walk; we sit; we lie horizontal. That's about it. Everything else is a story about what's going on while we're doing it.”

― Byron Katie, Who Would You Be Without Your Story?: Dialogues with Byron Katie

 

August 28th, 2024